Text About

Gutted for me. I’m have a MARE with my school skirt.

Derk-derk-allah. Derka derka, mohammed jihad.

I know, it’s in white plastic box marked, ‘bum pads’

The code for the alarm is either 1920 or 1960.

Me? Oh how kind. I’d like some fancy scrap books, moustache soap from anthropologie, a manicure set, Rachel Campbell-Johnson’s biography of the artist Samuel Palmer, and a tasteful and not-too-gay metal cuff bracelet.

That’s nice. Who are you?

Oh ‘saddo’ you are the tits. Thank you for my semaphore.

I doubt it, insane bolts fastest speed is around 24mph.

Does it start on Saturday? I thought it was today. #footballfan

 I’m going to be sick on my shoes. At fucking war horse and want to go home.

life changing. Seriously. I wept.

Aah mate the jungle is mental and YES we got attacked this morning.

If you find any keys that aren’t yours in your home that’d be fine.

Bring on bed day Monday. Fuck i love jesus and his little magic tricks!

Too upset. Can’t write. They needed me! Found jake all good. Has beard. Women all on that. Losing at pool. Don’t tell chris. 


I hated it it was so awkward. I didn’t understand what anyone was talking about, I was just drinking and eating the free ham.

Was that funny? It was wasn’t it?

Did you get home ok? I was so fucked I kissed rob. I hate myself.

Because it is orbiting us as well as rotating on its axis.

The look i shall be channelling tonight will be 1960s sicillian slut with a filthy mouth and a penchant for bollito misto.

By the way we have two hand held blenders and a hoover (works good but not amazing suction) if you know anyone who wants one. One of them still in its box, and a nice neutral white. Good for, say, pea puree. A Household named brand. Much easier than getting the kenwood out.

Fair play dollface relax yourself

Carbonara, lucozade, wheat crunchies, 10 malb lights, a doughnut and a curly wurly.

How much does an abortion cost? I’ll run through a quick cost benefit analysis.

“Richard” Attenborough is dead though.

Hello sadness my new bag.

Rodney Fox. Across the chest! Great white, off the barrier Reef while surfing. 1977.

Forgot that the pope had come to stay! Major diversions everywhere! Religion, What will you do next?

Out of Marylebone station, turn right up harewood avenue, then left on broadly terrace, then right up lesson grove, then it’s on your left on church street. Don’t fuck this up.

Hey, Sue Pollard just walked past me wearing two odd shoes. She asked my gay mate to measure her fanny once. And showed him her drawer full of vibrators. She’s a real pest.

Buildy buildy time beer beer tea coffee smoking spotify tracksuit bottoms snowy cold beery time