Posts Currently viewing the category: "Uncategorized"

Chickens

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My friend Sarah has achieved the countryside dream and bought 3 chickens. I’m incandescent with envy. I long for the fantasy of them clucking around in my garden, issuing soft rasping disapprovals, and laying miraculous eggs. But we could never house them in Nunhead. Our yard is distinctly inhospitable and our roost is ruled…(Read More)

Restaurant Review

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If one day you find yourself tired of London’s relentless culinary scene, there’s a little place I know, that serves up a reliably good dinner. It’s not fine dining, and you do have to know the owner to get in, but he used to be a restaurant critic so he certainly knows…(Read More)

Paris

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All the times I’ve been to Paris – A list [in reverse chronological order] 1) I was treated to an impromptu weekend in gay paris by Flo so that I could watch her sing. Tragically it meant missing out on the family anti-Brexit march, alongside 2 dogs with 7 legs between them and my…(Read More)

Looking Normal

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There is an unfortunate truth that it pains me to acknowledge about the clothes in my wardrobe. [deep breath] I am better off without most of them. Most of it doesn’t actually suit me, and like almost everyone, I have come to realise that I look better in black. My boyfriend, who would be…(Read More)

Weights

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On New Year’s Eve, obviously before the sinking quadruple gins and dancing to Bossa nova George Michael began, I was being taught how to lift weights by my boyfriend in a hotel gym that looked like a scene from a true crime podcast. This is not something I’d planned. I am not on…(Read More)

Climbers

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No “sportswear”. Climbers shun pretension, and see no need for showy spandex gear.  A seasoned climber knows that flexibility is a state of mind. Instead, climbers roll out of bed in their sporting slacks – lightweight, multi-pocketed trews in varying degrees of putty and sage, hop onto their fixie bike and glide over to the…(Read More)

Car Booters

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It’s high stakes at the Car boot sale in December. Everyone seems very on edge. Rain is surely on the way. All-weather stallholders – some of the hardiest, Teflon-coated people you could ever encounter, stand beside their Skoda Octavia with hands on hips to stare up suspiciously at a grey marbled sky. It…(Read More)

The Ace Hotel

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The Ace Hotel could not possibly be worse. They have thought of everything. Every possible piece of clichéd hipster iconography has been wedged and stuffed into every crevice like that sausage challenge from Love Island. The Lobby is huge and dark and full of good-looking millennials on Macbooks presumably writing blogs or in…(Read More)

Speed Awareness

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None of us are immune it seems. No matter how speed aware you are, and you may consider yourself a veritable Murray Walker, there comes a point in everyone’s lives when, at the request of the Metropolitan Police, they must be re-acquainted with the concept. They must submit to a 6-hour course…(Read More)

Sandwiches

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When I get round to pitching the tv show “Sandwich Pilgrimage” the first thing I shall address is this problem: One of the best sandwiches I have ever eaten haunts me to this day in its unrepeatable nature. It was a Reuben Special made for me at the Camellia Grill in New Orleans. A location…(Read More)

Crying At The Gym

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I have cried at so many gyms. I have cried on reformer machines with my legs in rings, on crosstrainers that make you look jolly while you take faux triumphant strides (which is hard to pull off, let me tell you), in downward dog, face down on mats and have even walked out of a…(Read More)

Turquoise

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Turquoise has got a bad rep I think. The general consensus being that most people wearing turquoise are to be avoided. Just think of sauvage and teary Johnny Depp guiltily trying to bury all his silvery turquoise hoard in the desert. Think of Aiden in Sex and The City. His fingers being overloaded with turquoise…(Read More)

An Aesop Facial

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Off a bustling London high street there exists an unexpected oasis of curated calm so artisanal you will wonder how it is you have existed so long without it. Upon arrival in the shop downstairs, I shrugged off my coats (arctic out) and was led towards a hessian-upholstered chair in the middle of the…(Read More)

Emailing Granny

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An email from Granny is always exciting. As much as I wish we communicated by beautifully rendered cards and letters (as we used to!) it is not always feasible and I am all mouth no trousers when it comes to keeping up my end of the bargain. So emails work well. They are low-effort…(Read More)

Sugary Drinks

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Sugary drinks usually only occur to me when I’m flagging at work but another coffee is just not advisable. Around 15:35 on a Thursday say. If someone suggests I might like a sugary drink I can’t help but imagine myself maniacally finishing my work tasks with my head superimposed on the body…(Read More)

The IronMan Cometh

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Phillips had to book parcelforce to come and collect my iron. They were going to look at it and evaluate why it was spitting boiling water at me through the ‘soleplate’ (worst 90s club name ever) then they were either going to fix the problem or give me a new iron.  This is a…(Read More)

Whitney

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An estimation in response to a question asked of me: “What would have happened to Whitney if she didn’t drown?” On the brink of financial ruin, Whitney Houston would have launched herself whole-heatedly into a campaign for EGOT status, but inevitably signed up to a lucrative but ultimately over-demanding season at Caesar…(Read More)

I Once Met…

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I once met Anjelica Huston when I was commissioned to cook a ladies lunch party for a friend of hers that I worked for in the capacity of “Girl Friday” at the time. I can’t imagine what possessed me to make cold avocado soup but that is what happened and Anjelica being the Living…(Read More)